I used to send headlines to The Onion. They rejected me every time. Now I post them here. var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www."); document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E")); try { var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-12577581-1"); pageTracker._trackPageview(); } catch(err) {}Rejected OnionTumblr (3.0; @rejectedonion)http://rejectedonion.com/Subaru Announces Plans To Replace Gas Pedals With Birkenstockshttp://rejectedonion.com/post/18075464085http://rejectedonion.com/post/18075464085Wed, 22 Feb 2012 10:00:52 -0700Valentine's Day Canceled Due To Lack Of Interesthttp://rejectedonion.com/post/17630509877http://rejectedonion.com/post/17630509877Tue, 14 Feb 2012 17:29:45 -0700Greece's Economic Crisis Forces Greeks To Have Small, Skinny Weddingshttp://rejectedonion.com/post/17611162673http://rejectedonion.com/post/17611162673Tue, 14 Feb 2012 09:56:00 -0700Not Enough Dicks On Pinterest Dance Floorhttp://rejectedonion.com/post/17554492502http://rejectedonion.com/post/17554492502Mon, 13 Feb 2012 09:17:50 -0700Mitt Romney Changes Name To R-Money To Increase Street Credhttp://rejectedonion.com/post/17271863494http://rejectedonion.com/post/17271863494Wed, 08 Feb 2012 11:41:28 -0700O, The Oprah Magazine Shakes Things Up By Featuring Cover Photo Of Oprahhttp://rejectedonion.com/post/17172832356http://rejectedonion.com/post/17172832356Mon, 06 Feb 2012 15:24:57 -0700f-ckyeahheadlines: ‘Love Thy Neighbor’ Sermon Completely...<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyt5s0sulm1qh1n38o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://f-ckyeahheadlines.com/post/16967966185">f-ckyeahheadlines</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p class="p1"><a href="http://www.rejectedonion.com">‘Love Thy Neighbor’ Sermon Completely Abandoned In Megachurch Parking Lot</a></p> <p class="p1">#rejectedFriday  via @rejectedonion</p> </blockquote>http://rejectedonion.com/post/16975912131http://rejectedonion.com/post/16975912131Fri, 03 Feb 2012 08:09:27 -0700Limbo Champion's Future In Limbohttp://rejectedonion.com/post/16924448713http://rejectedonion.com/post/16924448713Thu, 02 Feb 2012 09:56:45 -0700Arby’s 'Good Mood Food' Leaves Area Man More Depressed Than Everhttp://rejectedonion.com/post/16822110953http://rejectedonion.com/post/16822110953Tue, 31 Jan 2012 09:30:05 -0700Family That Prays Together Hates Each Otherhttp://rejectedonion.com/post/16468032813http://rejectedonion.com/post/16468032813Wed, 25 Jan 2012 09:30:06 -0700f-ckyeahheadlines: Shady USDA Director Unveils Food Pyramid...<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly3189d8wj1qh1n38o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://f-ckyeahheadlines.com/post/16160044364">f-ckyeahheadlines</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.rejectedonion.com">Shady USDA Director Unveils Food Pyramid Scheme</a></p> <p>is that a gold tooth? yikes. </p> <p>its #rejectedfriday once again, courtesy of @rejectedonion</p> </blockquote>http://rejectedonion.com/post/16172548057http://rejectedonion.com/post/16172548057Fri, 20 Jan 2012 08:29:56 -0700Kodak Files For Bankruptcy, Paul Simon's Kodachrome Taken Awayhttp://rejectedonion.com/post/16137541959http://rejectedonion.com/post/16137541959Thu, 19 Jan 2012 16:06:53 -0700Lindsay Lohan Blacks Out In Honor Of SOPA Protesthttp://rejectedonion.com/post/16076499372http://rejectedonion.com/post/16076499372Wed, 18 Jan 2012 14:19:46 -0700Google, Facebook And Wikipedia Join Forces To Protest Overrated Sopapilla Desserthttp://rejectedonion.com/post/16064708322http://rejectedonion.com/post/16064708322Wed, 18 Jan 2012 09:17:32 -0700Revenge Served Lukewarmhttp://rejectedonion.com/post/16021316059http://rejectedonion.com/post/16021316059Tue, 17 Jan 2012 14:06:22 -0700Wizard Late To Staff Meetinghttp://rejectedonion.com/post/15739657945http://rejectedonion.com/post/15739657945Thu, 12 Jan 2012 15:07:32 -0700Jay-Z And Beyonce Name Daughter After Night Clubhttp://rejectedonion.com/post/15622237746http://rejectedonion.com/post/15622237746Tue, 10 Jan 2012 09:29:37 -0700Method Actor Torn About Pedophilia Rolehttp://rejectedonion.com/post/15348907155http://rejectedonion.com/post/15348907155Thu, 05 Jan 2012 09:32:55 -0700Russell Brand Divorces Katy Perry Over What Happened Last Friday Nighthttp://rejectedonion.com/post/15248575448http://rejectedonion.com/post/15248575448Tue, 03 Jan 2012 11:41:13 -0700Single Guy At Trucker Party Feels Like 19th Wheel http://rejectedonion.com/post/15031908225http://rejectedonion.com/post/15031908225Fri, 30 Dec 2011 10:08:59 -0700